Aspiring to Mediocrity

I saw an announcement on NBC for a new show about fashion designers starring Jessica Simpson. Of course, it's a competitive, reality- based show where, I think, the designers compete for commissions from major retail outlets. The outlet reps hit buzzers, much like, say, Jeopardy. The difference is that Jeopardy sort of celebrates intelligence while this show obviously celebrates stupidity.

Evidence of how low this bar has been set is the prescence of the unbelievably vapid Jessica Simpson. Now I know you're probably saying, hey, Bret- Jessica Simpson? How is it that she is able to get work while thousands- no- make that millions of Americans are unemployed? You're probably wondering, as I did, why she isn't still regarded as a washed- up, overly cosmetised harridan?

I'm really sorry to say that the answer lies deep in the collective stupidity of the American public. And also, the collective capitalistic brilliance of NBC's programming executives. You know- the same ones who fired Conan O'Brian so that testy, ancient, not- funny Jay Leno could (much like Jessica Simpson) stay employed. Reality shows mint money. The writing staffs are almost non- existant, the contestants don't get paid and of course Jessica Simpson, flanked on this show by hostess Elle McPherson who at least has some semblance of fashion credentials, and Nicole Richie, late of that ridiculous show with hotel non- heiress and professional party- goer Paris Hilton, probably works for low calorie meals and bottled water.

Furthermore, all the retailers get what amounts to free hour- long advertising. Keep in mind that during the great depression, stores and restaurants paid unemployed people to walk around with sandwich boards advertising their enterprises, as in "Eat at Joe's." Nowadays we've become so sheeplike we actually pay the retailers to put their trademarks on their wares, a la Nike, so we advertise for them, making them millions of dollars. And we wonder why we owe the Chinese so much money.

Any ad revenue that comes from "Fashion Star" is pure gravy. Gravy for the network.

And how do they get away with it? Well, this is where you come in, America. You watch this stuff. As long as you do,  they will continue to broadcast it.

Here's what is really going on, everyone. Little By Little, your hard- hitting fact- gathering blog has the inside scoop! The networks are run by aliens! Not the kind that used to have to register at the post office each year, but the actual, let's- invade- the- earth- and- eat- mankind- kind. Okay, I know that's too many "kind"s, but you get the point. The fact is, stupid people simply taste better than smart people. And nothing makes people stupider faster than television! I don't think anyone can argue with that. Even Rush Limbaugh is on television- there's a live feed of him doing his show every day!

So taken altogether, this drek has begun to lower the intelligence quotient quicker than a Martha Stewart souffle. Or a butter sculpture at a Paula Dean anti- diabetes rally in Atlanta in July!

Don't want to be eaten by aliens? Then stop watching stupid TV. Stop playing video games non- stop. Stop getting your news from Rupert Murdoch who, if he is not an actual alien, is certainly in their employ.

Start asking questions. Find out what your political candidates really stand for. Question everything! EVERYTHING!! Ask your doctor why he prescribed something. Ask your clergyman or religious authority figure what your particular Holy text really says. Try to grasp important concepts, like evolution or string theory.

If you do these things, you won't get eaten.

I promise!